From Fear to Love
There are journeys that do not begin with courage, but with trembling. Looking back on my life, many experiences have shaped who I am, but one of the most profound experience was my time in learning Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE), especially in visiting and accompanying the sick and the hospitalized.
It was not an easy path for me. Each room I entered that held a different story and situation, a different pain, a different world of: language, culture, personality, and belief. And there I was, often unsure and cowardly, often feeling inadequate and lack of courage. I did not begin with confidence; I began with fear.
I was afraid of the unknown; afraid of saying wrong words, afraid of standing before suffering I could not help and heal. The hospital felt like a place of silence and pain, of loneliness and sadness, and each door I approached seemed heavy. Yet something within me, perhaps God’s grace and the Holy Spirit, kept calling me to enter. And so, I entered.
What I experienced was not what I expected. I thought I would bring something to the patients, but in truth, they transformed me. In their weakness, I encountered strength. In their pain, I discovered a deep humanity. They taught me how to listen, not only by words, but by silence, to overcome fear, and to the longing not to be alone. I began to understand that being present sometimes matters more than having answers.
In those moments, the Gospel became real to me: “I was sick and you visited me” (Matthew 25:36). Each patient was no longer just someone in need, but a place where Christ was waiting for me. There were times when I felt completely inadequate. Yet in those moments, I sensed a quiet presence, I was not alone. The Holy Spirit was there and guide me gently to sit down, to listen to them, and to remain with them. And slowly, my fear began to soften.
This journey also changed how I see my own life. Witnessing the fragility of others made me think of my parents, of the love I often take for granted. Then I realized how valuable life is, and how importance it is to love, and how precious parents’ love for me is. I also discovered parts of myself I had never faced as my fears and my limits, but alongside them, something new began to grow: compassion. A love that not forced, but awakened. A love that rooted not in words, but in presence.
This journey also changed the way I see my own life. Witnessing the fragility of others led me to reflect on my parents: their quiet sacrifices and the love I so often take for granted. I began to realize how precious life truly is, how urgent it is to love, and how deeply I am loved by my parents. At the same time, I encountered parts of myself I had long avoided such as: my fears, my limitations, and my vulnerability. Yet, in the midst of that honesty, something unexpected began to grow within me: compassion. It is a love that was not forced, but gently awakened; It is love that did not depend on having the right or nice words, but simply by being present and remain with them.
Meeting people from different cultures and religions deepened my experience. Though we were different, love united us. I came to understand more clearly the words of Jesus: “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34). This love reaches beyond all boundaries in life.
Looking back, I realize that this journey was never simply about visiting the sick, but it was a journey of transformation: “From fear to love.” It is not because I became stronger, but because God was present in my life and in the lives of those I encountered. Perhaps this is also true for all of us. Love does not begin when we feel ready, it begins when we are willing to enter, to remain, and to be present. In the end, God is always there, quietly waiting, in the people we have met, we are meeting, and we will meet in our lives. He does not ask us to have all the answers, but simply to love. As Saint Paul reminds us: “So faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13). And Saint John proclaims with simplicity but depth: “God is love” (1 John 4:8). From fear to love – this is not only my journey, but also a path we are all invited to walk, to experience, to encounter, and to act of love, not only with the sick and the hospitalized, but also with the people around us and those we meet each day.
Dcn. Joseph Nguyen, CP
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